Stop Outsourcing Your Clarity
One of my nearest and dearest friends…let’s call her Sally. Sally and I have been close since 5th grade. We originally bonded over not wanting to read ONE silly book that was assigned for the entire school year. We’ve bonded over many things since then, one of the biggest has been becoming moms together.
Our oldest kids are only six weeks apart, and our youngest are nine months apart. Sal and I haven’t lived more than a half mile from each other in about eleven years. And somehow, she still isn’t sick of me (or maybe she is). Needless to say, our relationship is special. But so is the relationship between our kids.
We do almost everything together. My kids call her house “our house.” My daughter literally invites people over to her house … meaning my friend’s house. It’s sweet and chaotic and fun. We’re all deeply woven into each other’s lives.
I promise I’m getting to the lesson.
So, my oldest daughter starts kindergarten in the fall. With her late‑spring/early‑summer birthday, sending her this year was a given. But my friend’s son has a summer birthday, which meant she and her husband had to make the (often agonizing) decision: send him this fall or wait a year.
She was TORN. She was anxious.
I’ve known this girl for almost 30 years. She’s a go‑getter. Once her mind is made up, it’s made. But this time, with the closeness of our kids, plus her son’s friendships at daycare, most of whom are heading to kindergarten, she really wanted to send him. And she was seeking what I lovingly call “validation” from EVERYWHERE.
Every time we talked for weeks, it was the topic. She’d update me on her latest conversation:
“I talked to so‑and‑so who sent their son early.”
“I talked to so‑and‑so who waited.”
“I read this article…”
“I was researching…”
She was gathering a mixed bag of information from every possible source, and it was confusing the hell out of her. She couldn’t hear herself think. She couldn’t hear the answer she already knew.
So one day I finally said, “Sal, what do YOU want and what do YOU think is really best for him?”
And she said it. Out loud.
“I want to wait. I know it would be best for him. But I can’t imagine him not going with your daughter and all their friends.”
There it was. She named it. She had been seeking so much external validation that she couldn’t hear her own knowing.
We all do this. I’ve done it. I see it constantly in my clients. A mentor once described it to me as “input” vs. “output.”
We seek answers, validation, comfort, from everywhere but ourselves. We dig through the internet. We ask around. We spill the hot gossip or the stressful thing that happened immediately because sitting with ourselves feels uncomfortable. Sometimes it even feels threatening to our nervous system. How many times has something awkward, silly, or embarrassing happened to you and you immediately had to text or call someone to tell them about it? Run into an ex or an old acquaintance from high school you were secretly trying to avoid? Call. Text.
So… now what?
I’m writing about this mostly to create awareness. Maybe more will come later but honestly, this is a lot of the work we do in therapy. But for now, just notice:
When are you seeking output instead of input?
When are you looking outward instead of inward?
And can you recognize why?
Once Sal realized what she was doing and why (she didn’t want to separate the kids), her answer shot up from inside her like a cork bursting out of a bottle that’s been sealed for years. The clarity was immediate. The answer had been there all along.
She just needed to hear herself again.
So that’s the whole point of this little story. Not to judge the input we all seek, but to remind you that your own knowing is usually right there, tapping its foot, waiting for you to stop googling, AI-ing, and start listening.
You’re wiser than you think.
About Mallory
Mallory is a holistic practitioner who helps individuals reconnect with their bodies through a mind-body approach to healing. Her work blends body awareness, somatic practices, and intuitive guidance to support those who feel stuck, disconnected, or overwhelmed.
She believes the body holds deep wisdom and that true healing begins when we learn how to listen. Through her work, Mallory gently guides clients back to their own inner knowing, helping them build trust in themselves, regulate their nervous system, and experience a more grounded, connected way of living.
Her approach is not about fixing or forcing change. It’s about creating space to feel, to notice, and to come home to yourself in a way that feels sustainable and real.
If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your body or unsure how to trust what you’re feeling, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Mallory offers one-on-one support to help you reconnect with your body, understand your patterns, and move forward with greater clarity and ease. Reach out to start your journey back to yourself.