Two Selves, One Body: What My Workout Routine Is Teaching Me About Balance
It’s funny to think about my history and relationship with exercise. I danced and did gymnastics when I was younger, but once middle school hit, I just wasn’t very athletic. I still remember 7th grade basketball tryouts: I got the ball, felt a rush of excitement… and then realized I was dribbling the wrong way down the court. My cheeks burned with embarrassment as the tall girls rolled their eyes, and me, the shortest one out there, decided right then and there that I was never coming back. And I didn’t.
But I did find a home in being the volleyball scorekeeper, which honestly was iconic. All my girlfriends played volleyball, and I kept them in trouble, caused endless distraction, and we had an absolute freaking blast.
As I grew into early adulthood, something changed. I found so much comfort in exercise. I started teaching spinning classes and strength training classes. I even was a runner for a period of time. For so long, I lived in that “go hard” energy which I describe as the sweat, the music, the push, the discipline. It wasn’t just a workout routine; it was part of my identity. My body knew how to show up for intensity. My mind loved the structure. My spirit loved the sweat and fire.
Then last year, everything stopped.
A shoulder injury (probably from overdoing it) forced me to step back. And not in a gentle, mindful, “let’s slow down” kind of way. It was a full stop. A year of not doing the “hard shit.” A year of being with myself in a totally different way.
And in that stillness, another part of me got louder.
The part of me that loves yoga, breathwork, stretching, slow mornings, and quiet spaces. The part that doesn’t want to grind, it wants to just sit and feel. It wants to move with slow intention, not intensity.
So now, as I ease back into movement, I’m trying to find a system that works for all of me… my mind, my physical body, and my spirit. And honestly? It’s hard as hell.
A friend got me into CrossFit, and I joined. And I do love it. But I also struggle. Because inside me it feels like there are only two switches:
Boom, GO.
or
Boom, LAY.
I’m struggling to find the middle ground. It feels like there’s no gentle overlap. No obvious bridge between the part of me that wants to lift heavy and the part of me that wants to melt into child’s pose.
I was journaling about this recently and felt called to pull some oracle cards. So I did and of course, they were all about balance.
Which sounds beautiful… but balance is not a neat concept when you’re living it in a real body with real history and real patterns. I’m still trying to figure out what balance even means for me now.
Because balance isn’t a switch I can flip. It’s something I’m still learning, still fumbling toward, still figuring out.
But what I am starting to understand is this:
Balance isn’t choosing one part of myself over the other.
It’s learning how to let both parts exist without forcing them into the same shape.
Some days my body wants stillness.
Some days it wants power.
Some days it wants something in between.
I’m starting to realize the real work is not deciding ahead of time who I “should” be, but honoring who I actually am that day, that hour, that minute.
I’m sharing this as a reflection, holistic trauma therapist to human, human to human: to say it’s okay to not know the answer. To not know where we’re supposed to be. To just… not know.
I remind myself of this every damn day.
That’s why I’m writing this.
To remind you, but also to remind me.
About Mallory
Mallory is a holistic practitioner who helps individuals reconnect with their bodies through a mind-body approach to healing. Her work blends body awareness, somatic practices, and intuitive guidance to support those who feel stuck, disconnected, or overwhelmed.
She believes the body holds deep wisdom and that true healing begins when we learn how to listen. Through her work, Mallory gently guides clients back to their own inner knowing, helping them build trust in themselves, regulate their nervous system, and experience a more grounded, connected way of living.
Her approach is not about fixing or forcing change. It’s about creating space to feel, to notice, and to come home to yourself in a way that feels sustainable and real.
If you’ve been feeling disconnected from your body or unsure how to trust what you’re feeling, you don’t have to figure it out alone. Mallory offers one-on-one support to help you reconnect with your body, understand your patterns, and move forward with greater clarity and ease. Reach out to start your journey back to yourself.